DISCLAIMER: The following is subject to the Readers' Choice. If you find the content offensive, kindly excuse and move on to the next post / blog. . I mean no offence to anyone! I am only a slave of my thoughts!
Other-city-ites can never be anything but that. Irrespective of how much they say that they hate Bombay for its people/crowd/fast life/ blah blah…, they always (and it shows) secretly want to be like us, Bombayites.
I happened to meet 2 such non-Bombayites. These 2 women from Dilli made me ponder…Here are the things that non-Bombayites will do for which I just plainly abhor them.
They sure will wish to use the services of our city’s lifeline ‘local’ trains. However, when they will enter a compartment they will exclaim, “Oh My God! It is so crowded! It is so dirty! It is so hot! It is so this and it is so that!” Then they will relentlessly talk about how they ‘just drive to wherever they wish to go in Delhi’ in their posh new car(read bought, by taking a loan, to show off even though they could not afford it)(or read as the new car that came as a ‘gift’ from the daughter-in-law’s parents in son’s wedding.)
They will wear cherry red tee shirt with black formal trousers(they call them pants), carry a crimson red hold-all(they call it bag) with multiple chains on it, wear green Osho chappals(they call them bathroom slippers), and will also carry an orange jhola. Oh wait – I almost forgot – constant listening of ‘music’ will happen on the pink Ipod ‘look-a-like’ music player.
They will continuously cry and whine about the ‘Noise’ in our city, about the various people who sing/sell in the trains and what not. Of course whilst they are at it, they assure that they speak sensitively. I will even go to the extent of saying that they whisper in each other’s ears (one woman will lean towards the other woman’s ear and speak into the ear while covering her own mouth and the other woman’s ear by her hand.) And by whisper I mean that if they talk to each other, in the aforementioned manner, sitting at one side of the window of a compartment; you, who are sitting at the other side of the window, ‘cannot’ hear them at all. This is because they are ‘oh so not loud’ and they do not, in any manner, contribute to the aforementioned ‘Noise’!!!!
Mother daughter duo will incessantly exchange gossips/ happenings in the acquaintances’/ relatives’ lives with so much gusto and enthusiasm; it will make you wonder whether it really is so much fun to gossip.
They will carry 6 bags amongst 2 women( well, I do not have an issue with that) and they will put all these huge luggage bags on display on the seats(the issue part comes here)
Then, when other lady travelers will want to come and sit on the seats meant for sitting, and not meant for keeping bags; they will flick and go ‘tch tch’ and act that other lady travelers are causing them immense trouble when they(other lady travelers) insist that they(the 2 women) keep the luggage down under the seats!
P.S: Do post your comments / views /gaalis :P below...!
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7 comments:
fantastic..funny..amzing..i share ur views too..no stereotyping delhi girls though..
they are cute arent they !!
I will not return calls.
I will show off.
I am a Delhiite.
I will live beyond my means.
I will be a pathological liar.
I will be brash.
I will be abrasive.
I will be rude.
I will be nasty.
I will make false promises.
I will serve paneer in 21 different ways when throwing a formal dinner party.
I will bow down, touch feet and take blessings of all those who are even a year older than me just for the express purpose of collecting loose change.
I will wear zircons and claim them to be the finest diamonds.
I will rhyme every other word like whisky shisky and think that I am very witty.
I will be crassy not classy.
I will obsess over Bollywood.
I will worry myself sick if Shah Rukh Khan breaks his toe nail.
I will stalk Priyanka Chopra when I move to Mumbai.
I will do my best to produce a Bollywood movie even it wipes out my family’s fortune.
I will feel that I am stunningly good looking.
I will equate fair skin with beauty.
I will try my hand at modeling.
I will try my hand at acting.
I will be shallow.
I will tell one and all that I know the Prime Minister’s pedicurist.
I will believe that dancing at weddings is more important than finding a cure for cancer.
I will hire a choreographer to teach me how to dance at weddings.
I will make a total ass of myself dancing at weddings.
I will take credit for other people’s work.
I will look down on people who make less money than me.
I will mistake kindness for weakness.
I will have diarrhea of words and constipation of ideas.
I will speak in an accent which is proprietary to my beloved city and which needs multilingual subtitles
I will become a rakhi brother to anyone of the female species that rejects me
I will be a beard sporting, 7-toed woman who will have delusions of being 'vibed at' by men
It is my birthright to pry into my neighbor’s affairs and my neighbors' neighbors' too
It is my consequent birthright to spread rumors based on my scientific interpretation of such prying.
It is further my birthright to deny that I started said rumor.
I will hit rock bottom but I will continue to dig deeper.
I will raise land grabbing to an art form.
I will bow down to Vaishno Devi, the symbol of woman power, in the morning and womanize in the evening.
I will be proud of the fact that my city has the highest rape rate in the country.
I will tease women and it is my moral right to do so.
I will pull all the right strings to get me out of jail if arrested for eve teasing.
I will abort my unborn child if I find out through amniocentesis that my child is a girl.
I will be a dress designer if I am a woman.
I will be a property dealer if I am a man.
I will be a wheeler dealer. Period.
I will claim to be a businessman but will not disclose what exactly my business is.
I will be a fixer.
I will be above the law of the land.
I will subvert the system.
I will carry at least 9 mobiles on my person at any given time.
I will do my level best not to think.
I will stop others from thinking.
I will shut my brain down.
I will argue not on facts but because the decibel level of my voice is higher than anyone else’s.
I will refuse to admit that I am human and can make mistakes.
I will derisively refer to all those who live South of the Vindhayas as “Madrasis.”
I will brag about the flyovers, malls and call centers in my city.
I will conveniently forget that all the flyovers, malls and call centers in my city are built with the help of taxes generated by other parts of India.
I will not pay my taxes.
I will try my best to be a thug.
I am a Delhiite.
hey...don't quiet agree with everything written here coz even the Mumbai-ites constantly crib about the trains an everything...think people are changeing into sadists...
anyways just a suggestion...you could use false names to make the story interesting instead of writing 'they' very often. (just a suggestion)
@ Anonymous
Thanks ! :)
@ newnimproved
true sure.. but a little too harsh i guess..:)
@Aakansksha
hmm..point taken..thanks :).... i did not wish to take names.. because you never know.. many people have same names..!
@newimproved
haha....looks like ur girlfriend from delhi left u crying...pathetic mumbaikar
@ anonymous..
i will have to disagree with you there !! i do not wish to sound too defensive here...but i am sure newnimproved is not pathetic :P..
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